I want to run. I want to run so hard all I can think and feel is the pain in my lungs and legs. I want to drive. I want to drive so far I don't know where I am and no one knows me. I want to forget everything I knew and start all over. New friends, new me, new life. They say you can't leave your problems behind, but I would leave people, and that would be a lot of the same thing.
I want to forget the pain of being replaced. I want to forget what it is to see someone else where I used to be, doing what I used to do, saying what I used to say, being the friend I used to be. It's like a hot knife in my gut. The wound starts to go numb, and then day after day, something happens, and I'm stabbed again. They just keep wrenching, twisting. Hot tears in my eyes. Pain yes, but more than that is anger. Anger I'm helpless, anger there's nothing I can do, anger at the friendly face and pleasant words I force. I want to disappear, I want to start all over. Where did I go wrong? Was there something I could have done differently, made a different outcome?
Loving someone new doesn't make you love the others even more. Love doesn't grow. That's a lie. It's why people come and go in our lives. There isn't room for them anymore, so we choose who we want and the rest just fade away. We don't forget, but we stop caring. They find the desire to be with you decrease, the connection dims. They find it in someone else, become distracted, and are drawn away like a moth to the flame. Words become hollow and time grows short.
Where are all the people I ever cared about? One by one they just disappeared. Some chose to leave, some faded out, and many, many chose others. Sometimes it's good. Like watching a family member leave to join their spouse. You're supposedly gaining another, but really, you're just letting one go. It's a bittersweet, you should be happy, but you're sad, alone, and truthfully? You're resentful. You can't help it. "Be happy, be grateful, don't be jealous." I'm not jealous. I'm alone. And after so long being two, how can I not be sad to be just one?
One by one people go, promises are forgotten, and love proves to be the most powerful heartbreaker to exist. Friendship becomes a childish concept because really, what lasts forever? Like Wendy and Alice, they leave and grow up. Like Christopher Robin, they know there will be a time when forever doesn't last. But like all of them, they leave for something they deem better, and those of us left behind are the Peters, the Hatters, and the Pooh Bears of the world. Left wondering, what went wrong? Where did everyone go? Why must everyone leave?
Hi! Sorry to say this but I really don't know much about different platforms and transferring from one blog style to another. I dabbled with Wordpress some but due to their limitations, despite the professional appearance, I find I like Wordpress less than Blogger. Blogger can be harder to handle and post on, but you have more free range ultimately with what you're allowed to do and how much. Plus once you get used to it, it's really not too hard, and there are lots of tutorials out there to help.
ReplyDeleteI hope I was able to offer at least a bit of help! Sorry I can't be of more assistance!